She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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