you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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