Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
