All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
