PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she looked like the before picture.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
