Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
