Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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