I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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