Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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