Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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