i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
