The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
