I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
