Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
