this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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