I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
