Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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