1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
