Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
