Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
