C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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