you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
