sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
