obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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