mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You can't motorboat a personality
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
