My friends, they love my intelligence
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
