I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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