see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
