i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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