Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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