and she was petting her beer can
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I deserve this hangover.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
