took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
