if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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