I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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