Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
