i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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