I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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