wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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