Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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