so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
