apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
