oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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