in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
