This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
