Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize