Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
