You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize