My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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