Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
