alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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