i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
