He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
