somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
