he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
