I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im six kinds of drunk right now
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
