dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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