mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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