hell yes lets make some ravioli
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
