Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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