My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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