i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
