the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
