You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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