I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
