I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
