Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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