Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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