Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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