Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
