You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
