also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
