i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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